Parental alienation can often arise following the breakdown of a family unit, leading to complex negotiations or even court proceedings about how much time children should spend with each parent. Ideally, arrangements are made in the child’s best interests, with the goal of maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents.
But what happens when a child starts to resist or outright refuse time with one parent? What if their behaviour during visits changes drastically, or they begin to express fear or hostility toward a parent they previously enjoyed spending time with?
These situations can be incredibly distressing for everyone involved and often give rise to allegations of parental alienation – a concept that plays a significant role in modern parenting disputes.
What is parental alienation?
In everyday terms, parental alienation refers to one parent (intentionally or unintentionally) influencing a child in ways that cause them to reject or fear the other parent, without a clear or reasonable justification.
This can show up as:
- A child refusing to see the other parent
- Hostility or behavioural problems during visits
- Sudden or exaggerated fear of the other parent
- Repeating negative things about the other parent that seem adult-like or coached
Parental alienation isn’t always the result of blatant manipulation. Sometimes it’s about what a parent doesn’t do – like failing to encourage contact, making passive-aggressive remarks or not correcting a child’s unfounded fear.
What does parental alienation look like?
Parental alienation can be subtle at first, but its effects can be deeply damaging over time, not just to the child’s emotional wellbeing and development, but also to the alienated parent. While the term is often used in family law settings, it has a strong psychological foundation. To better understand how this presents in children, it helps to look at how experts have described it.
A deeper definition: what the experts say
In their book ‘In the Name of the Child: A Developmental Approach to Understanding and Helping Children of Conflicted and Violent Divorce‘, authors Johnston, Roseby and Kuehnle offer one of the most well-regarded and thorough definitions of an alienated child:
“An alienated child is one who persistently expresses strong, negative feelings – such as anger, hatred, contempt, or fear – and beliefs that appear irrational, distorted or exaggerated and significantly disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with the target parent.”
(Johnston, Roseby & Kuehnle, 2nd ed., 2009, Springer Publishing)
This definition highlights the complex emotional and cognitive distortions involved in parental alienation and underscores the importance of careful assessment and professional intervention.
How prevalent is parental alienation in family law matters?
Parental alienation is a significant issue in family law matters, something that family lawyers encounter from time to time in practice. Separation can give rise to negative emotions between a child’s parents, and in the boilerplate of Court proceedings, where both monetary and emotional stress are prevalent, those emotions are frequently amplified.
When a parent asserts during child custody cases that it is not in a child’s best interests to spend more time (or any time) with the other parent for whatever reason, they may also denigrate the parent to the child, or behave negatively towards the other parent in the presence of the child.
Subconscious and irresponsible alienation
Sometimes, parental alienation may be a subconscious act, such as taking photos of the other parent down in the home, refusing to refer to the other parent by names such as “dad” or “mum,” or not giving them any credit or positive feedback in the presence of a child. This may be due to the parents’ own hurt feelings that they have yet to deal with, but it still affects the child or children witnessing these behaviours.
It may also be more irresponsible, such as making negative comments or actions, bringing up or discussing negative times in the child’s past relating to the other parent, without balancing positive occurrences. This is widely known as ‘black and white’ thinking, which is frequently reported in parental alienation matters.
As previously noted, not doing things, such as facilitating contact when it should be done, or blaming the other parent for things or not doing things that most people in the same situation would reasonably do, is also a common occurrence in parental alienation. It may cross lines with, or in fact be, emotional abuse or family violence. Behaviours like speaking to the other parent aggressively or rudely at changeover, or displaying unfriendly and uncooperative language or body language can also play into alienation dynamics.
Malicious alienation and the need for intervention
Parental alienation can also be directly malicious, calculated and designed to harm the other parent. It may be used for financial gain, such as getting full care of children to receive more child support, or to avoid paying it. Sometimes it’s just hurtful and cruel, with no specific driving force.
In these matters, it’s crucial to obtain legal assistance, because this is not only a form of psychological manipulation, which affects a child’s feelings and behaviour, but it also damages the parent-child bond, and negatively affects the alienated parent. The long-term damage of unresolved parental alienation, which may even lead to parental estrangement, generally requires intervention by mental health professionals.
How is parental alienation approached in family law matters?
The very act of alienating a child from one of the child’s parents can foster feelings of anxiety, hatred and sadness in the child and may in itself give rise to psychological harm, which is a consideration that the court must recognise when assessing what is in the best interests of a child. It may even be a form of child abuse in some instances.
The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) (“The Act”) and its principles focus on the child having the benefit of both of their parents in their life, where it is safe to do so, and protecting the child from physical and psychological harm. This is outlined in Section 60B of the Act.
What can be done to prevent parental alienation or address the impacts after parental alienation occurs?
Parental alienation, at the very least, may hinder the ability of one parent to be meaningfully involved in a child’s life. At its worst, it may completely decimate the relationship with that parent to the extent that the child may even suffer psychological harm by being forced to spend time with that parent, due to the mental damage and undermining that has been created by the alienating parent.
This can be damaging to the child’s relationship with both parents and impact the child’s relationship with the alienating parent (who has caused the alienation). Because the child has experienced parental alienation, they may be confused about whom they can trust. Alienated children may develop trust issues with the alienating parent if the matter is addressed, because they have been taught not to trust the alienated parent.
The tendency of alienation to rebound on the alienating parent
When a parent chooses to alienate a child from the other parent, the alienating parent should be very aware that their behaviour may likely backfire when the child is eventually around the other parent more. In some severe matters, estrangement may occur for lengthy periods of time if it isn’t addressed earlier.
When children mature, they may begin to recognise the pattern of alienation and begin to lose trust and respect with the alienating parent. No one wants to realise that they have been cut off from a loving parent, due to the choices of their mother or father, and this awareness can be as damaging to a child as experiencing alienation is.
Many variables can affect how alienation unfolds, including the child’s age at the time, the severity of the matter, whether family courts intervene, whether therapy or family reunification therapy occurs, and whether there are concurrent family violence matters at play.
Potential effects of parental alienation by age
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, emphasises the importance of a secure emotional bond between a child and their primary caregivers. When this bond is disrupted, especially through parental alienation (when one parent manipulates a child to reject the other), the child’s emotional and psychological development can be significantly impacted.
- Infants & Toddlers (0–3 years): Disrupted attachment can cause anxiety, developmental delays and difficulty forming secure bonds.
- Preschoolers (3–6 years): Confusion and loyalty conflicts may lead to separation anxiety, regression, or mimicking negative views of the alienated parent.
- School-Age Children (6–12 years): More aware of family dynamics, they may internalise blame, reject the alienated parent and struggle with self-esteem and social relationships.
- Adolescents (13–18 years): May align with the alienating parent to avoid conflict, leading to identity confusion, depression, and long-term relationship issues.
Across all ages, alienation can disrupt emotional development, damage parent-child bonds, and lead to lasting mental health challenges.
What is parental alienation syndrome?
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a term coined by psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner in the 1980s to describe a situation where a child strongly rejects one parent, usually during a custody dispute, due to the psychological manipulation by the other parent. It is still debated within psychological communities. However, it is consistent with many professional views regarding parental alienation.
The child’s fear, hostility or disrespect toward the targeted parent is often irrational and not based on actual abuse or neglect. PAS is controversial and not formally recognised as a mental disorder in the DSM-5, but the broader concept of parental alienation is acknowledged in family law and psychology as a serious issue impacting children’s wellbeing.
It’s critical to note that a child’s rejection of a parent after experiencing child sexual abuse, physical or psychological harm, is not alienation; it’s a completely understandable and justifiable reason to fear, avoid or reject a parent. In these cases, a child’s rejection does not relate to one parent alienating the other, but abuse from the rejected parent.
Suggestions to legally address parental alienation
To address cases involving parental alienation, it is essential to refer to the Family Law Act 1975, particularly sections 60B and 60CC, which outline the best interests of the child as the paramount consideration and the importance of protecting children from harm.
At both the practitioner and parent level, when a child shows signs of rejecting or resisting time with one parent, it is essential to assess the child’s behaviours, the family dynamics, and whether the child’s views are grounded in objective experiences or influenced perceptions.
If the feelings are based in fiction (for example, the child may believe that the other parent is untrustworthy or violent, but the child cannot accurately describe why they feel this way and there is no evidence of untrustworthiness or violence in the matter) then it is necessary for parents to recognise acts or omissions in their own behaviour which may have given rise to the child’s attitudes and alter their behaviour accordingly.
The best interests of the child are always paramount
One must remember that the best interests of the child are paramount. If the feelings are based in fact, then there are avenues for exploring those facts and dealing with the allegations appropriately by asking the court for certain orders such as therapy or counselling for the child, setting out processes to deal with making decisions for the child, issuing subpoenas, requesting orders be made for psychiatric assessment or family reports for the parents and appointment of an independent children’s lawyer.
It is wise for parents to assess the feelings and claims of the child based on their age and attempt to positively reinforce the child’s relationship with the other parent to the extent that it is appropriate. When caught early, most cases of parental alienation can be nipped in the bud by setting realistic expectations in relation to parenting arrangements and the future of the coparenting relationship, and this is where a qualified and experienced family law practitioner may be able to assist.
Legal steps to address parental alienation
In an ideal world, co-parents would never attempt to undermine each other or bias a child’s view of the other parent unfairly because of the short—and long-term damage it can cause. Parents must look inward to examine what behaviours, if any, have given rise to the child’s views and whether their behaviour has been consistent with what is in the child’s best interests with reference to the Act.
Making false allegations or creating disharmony out of spite so that a child rejects the other parent places enormous pressure on their emotional and mental wellbeing and can have lifelong effects. A third-party family lawyer or suitably qualified professional may be able to assist with this, especially if separation is fresh and there are doubts about the other parent’s views or parenting abilities.
If there is an ongoing conflict with a former partner, parents involved can seek family therapy or psychological support for any family members involved to resolve the matter. Dispute resolution or a court order can also be sought. Our family law team can assist you in understanding the best course of action for your situation.
For more information about addressing complex parenting matters such as parental alienation, please book a free 15-minute discovery call with one of our solicitors.
